I cover a lot of ground in my book, Technology’s Child, from toddlers who are exploring their immediate environment to twenty-somethings who are exploring their place in society. When it comes to their experiences with technology, the opportunities and challenges they encounter will inevitably vary across the arc of their development.
This variation can make the task of managing a child’s technology use feel like a moving target, especially when the technology ecosystem is changing as quickly as your child is. Fortunately, the two-step-decision tool I introduce in Technology’s Child can be applied during all ages and stages of development to support your child’s positive experiences with technology. Think of it as your North Star to guide your technology-related parenting decisions.
The tool consists of two guiding questions:
Is it self-directed? These are technology experiences that place children in the driver’s seat of their digital interactions. Children, and not technology, are in control.
Is it community supported? These are technology experiences that are supported by others, either during or surrounding a digital experience.
In this three-part series of posts, I’ll show you what parenting with the two-step decision tool looks like at different stages of development. We’ll kick off this first post with young children.
If you’re a caregiver of a toddler or preschooler, chances are you’re making daily decisions about how much and what kind of shows to let your child watch. You might also be trying to figure out whether an app they enjoy is okay, or if there might be something better.
You could pore over the reviews of kids’ media content on Common Sense Media (an awesome tool!), you could even read up on research exploring TV’s effects on young children. But if you’re a busy parent—which you are, because you’re a parent—you might not always have the time or energy to do this investigative work.
Let’s see what insights you might get from using the two-step decision tool.
Step one: Is it self-directed?
Look out for signs that your child’s attention is being co-opted by their digital activity.
TV is well known for eliciting a zombie-like look in children—blink-less stares, glassy eyes, an unnerving stillness in otherwise fidgety beings. That look is a sign that your child’s attention is not fully in their control.
A bit of zombie is not the end of the world. My son Oliver displays this look frequently when he’s watching TV (which is most days), and I don’t sweat it too much. Watching one or two episodes of Storybots or Izzy’s Koala World after dinner is a nice way to wind down and transition into our bedtime routine.
But I do try to keep it to just a couple of episodes. More than that starts to encroach on time when Oliver would be making up his own stories or building something or just being bored and trying to figure out how to get himself un-bored.
When it comes to interactive apps for young children, look out for “dark patterns” that are created specifically to co-opt your child’s attention and keep them in the app for as long as possible1Radesky, J., Hiniker, A., McLaren, C., Akgun, E., Schaller, A., Weeks, H. M., … & Gearhardt, A. N. (2022). Prevalence and characteristics of manipulative design in mobile applications used by children. JAMA Network Open, 5(6), e2217641-e2217641.. These are things like virtual trophies and other rewards, opaque navigation that makes it difficult to find the home screen and exit the app, and virtual characters who do things like cry when your child leaves the app.
Instead, look for apps that let children progress at their own pace, give them some choice in where to go next, and make it easy to exit at any time without penalty.
Step two: Is it community supported?
Seek opportunities for you or others to join in and reinforce the good stuff.
Let’s say your child is interacting with an alphabet app. You might ask them to show you how it works (a stealth way to determine what it’s about and what they might be learning) or even ask to play along with them. If you’re occupied with other things around the house, you could take a peek now and then at what they’re doing and find ways to reinforce the learning outside of the app. If they’re learning about the letter B, for instance, you could point out things in the house that start with B.
Drawing apps are a good example of self-paced, open-ended digital experiences that allow kids to maintain control over their attention. One sign of this control is the ability to hold a conversation with someone outside of the app, such as by showing off a drawing or responding to questions about how they created it.
Some apps make it easier than others for adults (or siblings) to join in. So, when you’re looking for apps to download onto your phone or tablet, consider how easy or difficult it would be for others to participate alongside your child.
I use the two-step decision tool just about every day to check in on how I’m feeling about my son Oliver’s technology use. In addition to helping me make in-the-moment decisions, asking myself these two simple questions—Is it self-directed? Is it community supported?—helps me approach my digital parenting strategically rather than haphazardly.
In Part 2, we’ll take a look at what the two-step-decision tool looks like when parenting school-age children and tweens. Kids’ digital activities may change considerably as they get older, but the basic approach remains the same.
Notes:
- 1Radesky, J., Hiniker, A., McLaren, C., Akgun, E., Schaller, A., Weeks, H. M., … & Gearhardt, A. N. (2022). Prevalence and characteristics of manipulative design in mobile applications used by children. JAMA Network Open, 5(6), e2217641-e2217641.
